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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29347680">I don't ever wanna leave</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ethereal_Soul/pseuds/Ethereal_Soul'>Ethereal_Soul</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>cozy beginnings [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Character, Asexual Frodo Baggins, Asexuality, Cuddle slut Frodo Baggins, Cuddling, Did I Mention, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, QPR proposal, Sort Of, The touching is not sexual but it also didn't feel right to rate as G, idk if it's G or T, physical touch, queer platonic relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 13:16:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,677</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29347680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ethereal_Soul/pseuds/Ethereal_Soul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fluff with very tiny sprinkles of angst, and a happy ending. QPR "proposal". Cuddles.<br/>Totally self indulgent.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Frodo Baggins/Sam Gamgee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>cozy beginnings [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2247816</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I don't ever wanna leave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was breathing. Sam never grew tired of watching Frodo breathe. He knew it was supposed to be second nature and not something to be aware of. Yet, he was. After so many troubles and unnamed dangers, he got used to watch out for Frodo. He'd wake up at night to check if he was still there, he'd go searching if he wasn't anywhere near.</p>
<p>Sometimes, Sam would be self-conscious about it. He felt he was invading Frodo's personal space, not giving him enough freedom. But other times, as of that morning, it made him calm.</p>
<p>It was their second week at Bag End. There were still corners to fix and furniture to mend. They had dispensed the bed for the hot nights and set up their bedrolls on the floor. Sam couldn't help but notice how wood could be soft and smooth when compared to rocks, and how safe walls arround them made a difference in the quality of their sleep.</p>
<p>He woke up early and looked at the surroundings. Everything was still new to him. Last time he was at Bag End he was Frodo's gardner, and friend; he can't deny they were already friends. The few times he had slept over happened when he was a child - when Bilbo invited him to stay, after an early evening full of tales, and his Gaffer allowed it - either when there was a storm, or another excuse for him to be invited.</p>
<p>He remembered the sleepovers. Frodo was nice to him, made him breakfast and played with him in the mornings. But he was so young, not yet of age to even assist his Gaffer in the garden. Frodo must have thought of him as a young brother, for Frodo wasn't at the age for silly plays anymore. But Frodo was always happy. Sam doesn't remember any shadows on his face from before their quest. At most, he was serious and quiet, but never truly sad. Not arround Sam, at least.</p>
<p>These two weeks had been the first time he slept alone with Frodo in the same room. Not only the same room, but as close as if they were in the same bed. They had grown accustomed to be together, to see eachother first thing in the morning. But on the first night, Sam didn't feel that Frodo had asked him to sleep over with him out of mere convenience.</p>
<p>Well, he had thought so, at first. Sam, despite spending so much time with Frodo, still kept a respectful distance between them when they were in public or staying at someone else's. But every time he and Frodo didn't need to share a chamber with fellow hobbits or other creatures, when it was just the two of them, Frodo acted different.</p>
<p>He was still himself, of course. But he seemed more at ease. When Sam was dealing with some nails and tools on his tool box, Frodo walked by and said hello, but not without squeezing Sam's shoulder lightly. Then, there were the moments when Sam was washing his hands with the bathroom door open. Frodo leaned against the door frame, and watched. When Sam said he was leaving already, Frodo replied there was no rush. The first time they stayed over with the Cottons, Frodo insisted there was no need for them to have separate rooms, even if there were plenty available. When they did settle in the same room, Frodo made sure both beds were close enough for him hold Sam's hand before they fell asleep.</p>
<p>Even so, until their first night completely alone at Bag End, Sam believed Frodo would soon send him back to his Gaffer's. But that's not what happened.</p>
<p>Both of them wanted to sleep on the floor, so they set up their bedrolls beside the actual fluffy bed. There was no fire lit, for the weather was warm enough, and the room was dark. Sam lay on his side watching Frodo stare at the ceiling. He stretched his arm and reached for Frodo, who caught his hand and brought it to his chest. For a moment, all Sam did was to feel Frodo's chest rise and fall with his breathing, his heart pacing under his hand, and Frodo's hand atop his. He didn't know such a small gesture could feel so grand. He didn't really know how to express what he felt. It was a mix of comfort, warmth, and safety.</p>
<p>When Frodo brought Sam's hand to his lips and pressed a light kiss, Sam's heart fluttered. He squeezed Frodo's hand a bit, unsure of how to react, afraid any words would ruin the mood.</p>
<p>Then, Frodo turned to his side to face Sam. Frodo now had his back to the window, the only source of light in the room that shone on Sam's face. Sam watched Frodo release his hand, get up and shift his own bedroll closer to Sam's. "Do you mind?" Frodo asked as he lay again, closer, almost approaching Sam's breathing space.</p>
<p>Sam shook his head, then remembered the night light was dim, "not at all", he answered.</p>
<p>Frodo took Sam's hand again; but, this time he placed it over his shoulder and let it rest there as if Sam was half embracing him.</p>
<p>Sam liked that. He didn't know how far he could go but he hoped there'd be no harm on getting a bit closer; he pulled Frodo closer to him, so Frodo's head was nested on Sam's chest and his hair tickled Sam's nose. Frodo put his arm around Sam's waist in return. Not lightly, yet not enough to hurt. The grip was firm, intentional, and Frodo sighed. They didn't feel the need to speak.</p>
<p>In the morning of the second day, there was no mention of what had happened. Sam spoke as usual and they split the Smial tasks for the day. Frodo continued with the occasional touch: a finger on Sam's wrist after handing him the honey, a gaze held for a bit too long when he went outside to make sure Sam had a glass of water, a timid smile when Sam replied thank you. Each time, Sam felt a funny tingling in his chest.</p>
<p>So, at night, when Sam volunteered to set their bedrolls, he right away placed them side by side as if they were one. This time, he approached Frodo first. While Frodo lay on his back, Sam was next to him lying on his side with his arm over Frodo's chest. After a while, he also placed his leg over Frodo's. They remained entangled over the soft sheets, comfortable around eachother.</p>
<p>Frodo was touching Sam's face, tracing the bridge of his nose, memorising it's contours, when he asked, slow yet not hesitant, "do you desire anything ... more, Sam?"</p>
<p>He took a while to realise that he had to respond. "No, I like it like that."</p>
<p>He did. It was new to him, that was certain. Never before had someone come so close to him without seeking for something more. The lasses at his youth, and an occasional lad or another, would sometimes steal some kisses, pecks on the cheek only to caress his rear or his front after. More often than not, the kisses came along with a smirk and Sam didn't like it that much. At least not when it came from them.</p>
<p>From a young age, he knew it was wrong: to fancy someone that lived in the house where you worked. But the kisses he got from the lasses never made him smile as much as thanks from Mr. Frodo did. And he never pictured himself on a quest with anyone else except Frodo. That had to count for something.</p>
<p>It was also true that by the end of their quest, and since the first days back in the Shire when Frodo began to be closer to him, he might have had some... improper thoughts. But he'd never dare to act upon them. It's not as if they had vanished, they didn't; but when he was with Frodo he didn't feel the same urge to act. Not when he didn't feel it was reciprocated in the same manner.</p>
<p>"I don't want to deprive you from anything, I want you to be happy." Frodo said with a small voice.</p>
<p>"There's no way I wouldn't be the happiest hobbit by your side," Sam replied, "I've never felt so... wanted, before."</p>
<p>"And what do you want, Sam, from my part?" Frodo said as he turned his head to face Sam. "Won't you be sad if my desire is not the same as one would expect?"</p>
<p>"I don't want anything more than who you are," he said, and nuzzled up against Frodo's chest to make his words mean something more similiar to what he felt, "I want nothing different from what you want to give me."</p>
<p>That had settled the matter for a while. The following days contained the same shy playfulness as the previous ones, and the nights a similar proximity. They'd tangle their legs and touch their arms until they fell asleep. The smell of Frodo's hair became familiar to Sam. The herbs mixed with the natural oil from his scalp began to feel like a lullaby. The touch of Frodo's skin was softer than his fine sheets.</p>
<p>And there was also the scratching on his back Frodo did from time to time. Sam enjoyed to be touched that way. It did change the pace of his breathing, it felt good even if it was not arousing per se. When Frodo did that, Sam would embrace him so tight it made Frodo chuckle from his silliness.</p>
<p>But once, right after they went to their bedrolls, Frodo caught Sam's hand in his and placed it flat against his chest. "I miss it, sometimes," he said, "the ring."</p>
<p>"Don't you say stupid things, it's no good." Sam intervened, but Frodo went on.</p>
<p>"When it happens, I'm filled with many thoughts, not as strong as they were before, but, there're quiet voices that I hear."</p>
<p>Sam rose to have his head propped up on one elbow and kept his hand on Frodo's chest. "And what do they say?"</p>
<p>Frodo didn't answer. He had a somber expression, making the concern on Sam's face grow. His eyes were lost until he fixed them on Sam's and asked, "do you want this... this companionship?" He looked unsure of himself.</p>
<p>"More than anything," Sam whispered on Frodo's ear before he kissed his forehead, to what Frodo discretely sighed in relief.</p>
<p>Sam looked at him and smiled, then kissed his forehead once more. He then blew some air close to Frodo's ear and nuzzled Frodo's neck with his nose, making him tickle. "Sam!" was Frodo's reaction, along with some laughter and the wide smile Sam was expecting to obtain. Sam smirked at him until Frodo stopped giggling; then Sam did it again, except now he blew right on Frodo's face making him squeeze his eyes shut, yet grinning once more.</p>
<p>As revenge, Frodo released his hand from Sam's and tousled his hair, nails gripping Sam's scalp at the end. Sam, after the laughter, kissed Frodo's knuckles and rested his head on Frodo's chest, their bodies perpendicular to eachother.</p>
<p>They didn't think possible to sleep in that position, but so they did. Sam woke up with his head on the floor, but with Frodo's hand resting somewhere between his neck and his chest, making him aware of his own collar bones. He couldn't believe his luck.</p>
<p>By day, both had errands to run, both had to leave the house and couldn't be as close to eachother as they wished. But, now, they smiled at eachother when their paths crossed. Sam gathered some flowers and put them in a vase to decorate the kitchen table and the kitchen window. He admitted he was glad to have some time alone to work, for now he had happy thoughts to fill his mind that were no longer an unattainable daydream. And it was good, because in one of these occasions, working by himself, he did remember something his old Gaffer had told him once.</p>
<p>He told Frodo he was going to visit the Gaffer and he'd be back for lunch. It took him longer than he expected; on his return, he found Frodo quietly picking up the petals of a daisy. Yet, he put it aside when he saw Sam, and they had the usual small talk over the food.</p>
<p>At night, Frodo was quiet. He turned his back to Sam, but he didn't repel him when Sam approached from behind and held him close, Sam's bare chest against Frodo's back skin, spooning him. "You alright, Frodo?" he asked, low.</p>
<p>Frodo took a deep breath, "I am now, thank you," and he touched Sam's arms, reassuring.</p>
<p>That was the night that preceded this morning, when Sam was watching Frodo breathe and the morning light warmed Frodo's body. The breeze was chill, because it was still very early, and he adjusted the sheets to cover Frodo's torso.</p>
<p>Frodo shifted to lie on his belly, still asleep, making the sheets now gather under him. Sam could see his spine and the contours of his ribs. He felt his hand being pulled towards it, by an invisible force, and memorized where the bones were located beneath the skin. Nothing broken, all was safe under the sheets. It made Sam feel calm and peaceful. He enjoyed to watch Frodo sleep and breathe. He liked to see his skin without the need of Mithril to protect it.</p>
<p>Sam opened his palm and rested it on Frodo's back. It was warm. He moved it up and down several times, letting it weight on his body. Sam planted a kiss on Frodo's shoulder before he got up and left. He'd stare at Frodo forever if could, but his bladder wouldn't let him.</p>
<p>When he came back, Frodo was awake, sitting under the sun light and looking at the door. "I thought you had left," he said.</p>
<p>"Left!?" Sam replied. "With all due respect, sir, only a fool would think that."</p>
<p>"Don't you want to?" He insisted.</p>
<p>"Of course not! Well, I'd like to have a walk outside, if you're amenable. Will you come with me?" Sam invited, "It's lovely outside."</p>
<p>They both changed clothes and fetched some snacks for their stroll. They walked side by side, a little apart until Sam touched Frodo's hand. His hand was cold as usual. So, he gathered both his hands to envelop Frodo's, and took it to his mouth to warm it.</p>
<p>"Are you sandwiching my hand for breakfast?" Teased Frodo, so Sam opened his mouth to mimic a bite. "I'm afraid I wouldn't like to spare any of my fingers, my dear."</p>
<p>To that, Sam pulled Frodo for a hug. Out of nowhere, it seemed, but he wouldn't hold back. His heart was filled with tenderness and he needed to put it out. Frodo reciprocated, lowering his head to rest between Sam's neck and shoulder and resting one of his hands on his lower back. They held tight. Frodo's hand eventually slipped down bit by bit. He squeezed Sam's rear and rested his hand on Sam's back pocket.</p>
<p>That's when he felt it. "What's this in your pocket?" He asked, and Sam went rigid for a moment.</p>
<p>"Promise you won't think it's silly and won't make fun of me?" Sam said with a small pount on his lips.</p>
<p>"I'd never make fun of you, what's that?"</p>
<p>Sam retreated and put both his hands in his back pockets. "It's something Mr. Bilbo gave my Gaffer once. Long ago, after he returned from his journey. Ma never fancied these things, so no-one ever put it on I suppose." He looked back at Frodo, "and I wanted you to have it."</p>
<p>As he opened his fist, a light silvery necklace was curled inside. He picked it up and lifted it, displaying a white and bright pendant. "That's a beautiful thing, Sam, I..."</p>
<p>"Please, let me finish it first." And Frodo nodded. "I've naught to give you, sir, but I want to be with you for as long as you want me near. I don't mean to leave you, no. I don't ever wanna leave."</p>
<p>Frodo opened his mouth to speak, only to close it again when Sam continued. "I don't want you to forget that, I don't want you to have bad thoughts about that again," he rushed, "I want to be by your side, the way we are now, or the way you wish us to be, 'til the day we die."</p>
<p>Sam put the necklace on Frodo and, while he had his hands resting on Frodo's shoulders, he asked "is that what you want too?"</p>
<p>If Frodo could see better he'd have seen the hopefull look Sam gave him. But his vision was quite blurred because he'd not expected such thing and his eyes were watering. He nodded profusely and whispered many yesses as he embraced Sam.</p>
<p>On his turn, Sam felt a wave of relief wash away his disbelief that he had Frodo on his arms. In fact, he had Frodo sniffing tears away on his collar and no-one could fake that.</p>
<p>"You know that death is not the end, right, Sam?" Said Frodo when he was calmer.</p>
<p>"I know nothing about that, all I'm sure of is I want to be with you," he responded, "and you to stop being so stubborn and believe me for once!"</p>
<p>"You won't get rid of me so soon, my dear." And he grabbed Sam's face and gave him a quick yet very decided peck on his lips. Sam went crimson and froze. Frodo brushed Sam's cheek and ear until he got a smile from him, still speechless. "Let's go back" He said as he put his hand on Sam's waist and led him back to the Smial.</p>
<p>Sam didn't say much on their way back or during their breakfast, when they had the snacks they'd gathered before. But he would gravitate towards Frodo whenever they were more than inches apart. Frodo now had a joyful mood. He began to talk about an old song and how his happiness wouldn't compare to what it described. He poured way too much honey on Sam's toast and forgot to put any sugar on his tea but Sam didn't complain. He would just stare at Frodo, glad to watch him talk and to see the shining pendant on his neck where before rested such an evil object. He only paid attention when there seemed to be a question.</p>
<p>"You know we actually have a bed, right, Sam?"</p>
<p>Sam focused back on Frodo. "Yes, it's just that the floor is good for my back."</p>
<p>"Your back! You speak as if you were 80, yet you're barely 40!"</p>
<p>"Sorry, but it's true. Don't you like where we are?" He asked.</p>
<p>"I do, yes, but I'd like a change to mark the change we had today."</p>
<p>"Nothing changed, Frodo." Said Sam, who watched Frodo rise from his chair and go behind Sam's.</p>
<p>He leaned into Sam, arms over his chest and head beside his. He breathed on Sam's neck, "I just don't want to forget about today. Even if nothing really changed, I feel it's only a beginning."</p>
<p>They had to prepare the bed from scratch. The mattress had been aired but not stuffed enough, the sheets were washed but not set, and the pillows, well, they just picked them up from where they had been sleeping. It smelled good, like clean clothes and fresh straw, and their own scents that permeated the pillow cases.</p>
<p>Frodo pushed Sam onto the bed. He was a bit surprised, but far from uncomfortable, when his back hit the soft mattress. It was like lying on feathers and he couldn't be happier when Frodo opened his arms wide and lay half atop Sam and half on the bed. He planted several kisses on Sam's chest before opening up a couple of buttons and lazily caressing Sam's chest hair while breathing close enough to feel the warmth of Sam's skin on his cheeks.</p>
<p>Sam began to play with Frodo's curls, twisting them on his fingers and letting them loose. He wandered to Frodo's neck and shoulders, then went back again to scratch Frodo's scalp. He tug his hair, lightly but enough for Frodo to look up at him. He smirked and pinched Frodo's cheek with his free hand. It would have turned red if Frodo wasn't quick to turn his head and nibble Sam's finger. "Ouch! Careful there!"</p>
<p>"Said the one that'd sandwich my hands like cold turkey!"</p>
<p>"Not my fault they're cold as ice even when it's sunny outside."</p>
<p>Frodo sat. He straddled Sam, in fact, and put both hands behind Sam's neck which sent shivers down Sam's spine. "You're very warm, that's hardly my fault either."</p>
<p>Sam embraced Frodo, bringing both their chests together. Frodo released his tights' grip and stretched his legs alongside Sam's. He kept his nose behind Sam's ear and the smell of Sam filled his nostrils. It wasn't sweat nor cologne, maybe some herbs he didn't know how to name. But what mattered is it was pleasent and it reminded him of their previous nights, when he was unsure of himself and fearful Sam wouldn't take him but how Sam would come closer anyway. And now only the good parts of these nights remained, all concerns vanished. He felt the pendant of his new necklace between them; this jewel was warm on their skins, not cold as what once stood in its place. He felt, to borrow Sam's words, wanted. It was similar yet different from feeling desired, and he would cherish it forever.</p>
<p>"You know, Sam, I don't ever want to leave either." He whispered softly before nibbling Sam's earlobe, for this moment was tender but he'd not miss an opportunity to make Sam giggle. And he'd do it again and again, for as long as Sam would have him by his side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"watch you sleep" by "girl in red" inspired the beginning of this story when I couldn't find a place to start, after having written the middle already. The title of the story is also part of the lyrics.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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